Will my buttocks eventually become my nightmare?

A worry for Ximena.

 

Hi, I am Ximena from the fabulous book “Adventurous tales from a Mountain Walk.” I have permission to pose a question I suspect all of us ladies are consistently, asking ourselves. Will my buttocks eventually become my nightmare?

 

I did some research, and I was amazed at the information out there on the internet. It seems there are billions of us every day examining our buttocks in the mirror and dreading what we might find. Come and explore with me.

 

First, is having big buttocks bad for our health?

We Señoras from South America do like to look good., if we are not so lucky to have our curves naturally, then we are contented to visit the doctor for some improvements.

Initially, I was introduced to this way of thinking with my parents. They are wealthy, and I, the only child, now thirty-two wanted for nothing. So it is acceptable for you to imagine me one of those Superbrats, whose sole aim in life was to spend my allowance and future inheritance on mundane and expensively priced items.

 

I have to admit when I hit my teens, I was that an ”Airhead”  person. I learned early from my mother, who back in the eighties was one of the first in our mountain community to go “under the knife.”

 

From the moment she met my father, for her, it was love at first sight, and she was determined to capture him.

He was a tall handsome up and coming coffee exporter who even looked good on the back of an overloaded mule.

 

He too was smitten from the outset. Never one for showing any interest in the females on the ridge. As there weren’t that many at the time. With my mother.that was changed. They were married within a year.

Whenever my mother is reminiscing she proudly tells me of all the work and pain she went through with each new modification she felt would please her man.

Never did he complain, like most of the men on the mountain ridge in the eighties was always a pleasure to behold. My father kept putting his hands in his pockets, producing the cash needed to keep the doctors smiling.

It was assumed, I would follow in my mother’s footstep and from the age of sixteen I did. I focused on what I wanted to alter. My butt was the prominent place. It was flat, I wanted round.

 Little then did I realise that in a few short years, I would be one of the central characters in a life-changing event on a mountain ridge.

My confidence, my looks, my whole personality would change and redefine me. You would say well “that’s good” and maybe you are right, but I am thinking more of how afraid and insecure I have become. I fret now regarding everything and anything. My buttocks that once I was so proud of, I am not so sure anymore.

My mother has commenced visiting her doctors more than usual. It appears from the odd snippets I gather from the dining table, her health was deteriorating due to a side effect of liquid silicone which had been injected into her buttocks.

The silicone, over time, had moved into her spinal area and was placing pressure on her lower back. I could see she was suffering when she tried to walk. I remember us both having the same procedure to celebrate “Girl Power”  and with the same doctor.

 

A year after the government banned the practice of injecting liquid silicone, but it was too late for us. Now my mother was ill, and the doctor had disappeared from his practice.

We should have done our research, we did nothing. We were on a mother/daughter adventure. Money was the least of our concerns. Saying that she did love a bargain, and this injection versus implant did save us a lot of money which we duly spent on new outfits to celebrate. So guess where complications and ill effects were rated in our thinking.

We were crazy to believe the ageing doctor with the silver tongue, that there would be no side effects. That there would be no risk to us. Both of us were in and out within 20 minutes of each other and the administering of each injection.

Now sadly we know much to our dismay, the injections have no barriers to worry about. They can and will migrate into other areas of our bodies. As in my mother’s case. Side effects she has reported include suffering from chronic fatigue and some allergic reactions.

Our carefully chosen replacement Specialist told us on our last visit, we were both lucky that we did not die from those injections and that we would need operations to remove any tissue affected by the injections.

We decided together that mother would be first to go under the anaesthetic and because I am not as yet showing any concerning symptoms, I could wait three months and then be operated on.

Because of the government banning, insurance companies do not pay for any curative treatment.  Apparently, side effects are not an illness with this injections. It took mother nearly four weeks to recover. Now she has some scarring that will not let anyone including my father and me to witness.

We are both aware that the same silicone may still affect us both in the future.

So if you are in this predicament, seek help from your doctor immediately. Do not procrastinate. Do not be embarrassed. One thing I have learned from my mother. Do not become all coy, be open with your doctor. He or she may be the ones to save your life.

So is it bad for your health to have a nice round set of buttocks?

If you opt for the cheaper illegal use of liquid silicone injections, the answer is Yes. If you are willing and can afford to pay for the safer option of silicone implants with regular check-ups, you should be fine.

 Oh yes another tip, if a guy tells you to make your buttocks bigger, ask him politely to “sling his hook.” If you decide to do it, then do so for yourself, it’s your body, and you got to look in the mirror each day and be content.

Is it true our buttocks will change every ten years?

 

Now you know a little of my history, let me share with you some of the information I discovered.

  • Our faces are like our butts. What I mean by that is our faces go through many changes and shifts throughout our lives.

  • It turns out when we are thirteen, our butts are at their smallest because we produce little fat. Then comes along puberty and estrogen levels. Do you remember seeing and feeling how firm your butt was when you were in your teens?

  • I recall seeing some of the girls in school with pimples all over their butts. I have no idea what was going on there. Mine, I did check many times, was as smooth as a baby’s butt.

  • You have reached your twenties, now your butt has taken on a rounder shape all by itself. The chances are, you will have a higher level of fat in each cheek.

  • Unless you have had children your butt will remain firm and dare I say it perky.

 

I am on the understanding from my mother and her sisters that when you have children, there will be a few noticeable changes to the butt.

  • Now I am in my thirties, and from everyone, I talk too, it’s a slippery downhill slope for our butts. This is the decade where muscle mass and tone commences to hang down.

  • Our skin cell turnover and production of collagen start slowing down too, Signs of deterioration in our bouncy and firm butt begins to show.

  • I am 8 years away from my forties, and yet already I am fretting on what’s to come. Ladies who are slightly senior to me will have noticed an increase in sagging and maybe a bit more fat on the hips. That was not there just ten years ago.

  • Please do not worry. If we all keep focusing on butt centred workouts and eating the right food. We should get through this decade with all our glutes in shape.

 

The biggest danger in our forties will be the urge to sitting down every night engrossed in the latest series on Netflix or Amazon Prime.

  • This next bit of advice comes from my Grandmother. She comes from a generation who never heard of a scalpel touching our butts or boobs. She through fits of laughter tells us “young ones” that your fifties is the time:

You lose your fat, and your round butt goes flat.

  • Nobody mentioned to her that fat distribution is altered. Your stomach and hips attract the fat, and your butt ignores it. Diet and squeezing those butt cheeks were never mentioned. Apparently not Ladylike. 

  • Now Granny is more informed, she goes to her twice-weekly fitness class. She like all decent Grannys have lost that fear of talking about anything.

 

Butts are back on the agenda.

  • She can be regularly seen dictating to all who will listen to her.

“Keep those glutes strong, and your hips and butt will look good in a throng.”

What is a Gluteal Amnesia or Dead Butt Syndrome?

 

Are you a female and a truck driver, driving instructor, tank driver, pilot, writer, scientist, family doctor, forklift driver? Or someone who sits down for 8 to 9 hours a day or more routinely doing your work?

If yes to both questions then the chances are you are suffering from a condition known as Gluteal Amnesia.

It’s a condition that is prevalent to nearly all of us who led sedentary lives through our careers, jobs and lifestyles. It is when our glutes forget to do their job.

With all of us sitting at every chance that presents itself. It does not take long for the side effects of parking the butt becomes the primary culprit.

 

Apparently, we all have what is known as  Hip Flexors. If they get shorter and tighter through us continually sitting, that will lead to our butt muscles not working as they should do.

It transpires these gluteal muscles are essential. They enable us to carry out what we take for granted. For example: walking, running, picking up and carrying.

If left unchecked, you could suffer pain in your hips, knees and lower back. Even attract strokes due to the overcompensation the other muscles have to achieve to allow you to function.

 

Check out these 3 simple ways to test your Gluteal Amnesia.

  1. Lie face up on a level surface such as your bedroom or office floor. Position your hands below your butt and attempt to squeeze each butt cheek. First with the left and then the right or vice versus. You should be happy when you feel those glutes engage.

  1. Focus on achieving some Step-up or deadlift exercises. If you notice cramp creeping into your hamstrings. It’s a good sign your glutes are not performing as well as they should do.

  1. Stand straight in a neutral position and picture you are wearing a belt. If the result shows your beltline has dropped towards the front, It is a sure sign your glutes are not engaging proficiently. If the belt is now parallel to the floor, then your glutes are working effectively.

 

Great news Gluteal Amnesia does not have to be permanent. It is reversible. Just exercise your butt off. In the office, on the bus, in the garden. Literary, anywhere. Even in secret if you so wish.

Finally, Some tongue in cheek signs to let you know if your butt is too big.

 

  • Your butt connects with tables and other pieces of furniture daily. 

  • Nothing is safe when your butt appears. It is the master of knocking things down.

  • You have not found a pair of jeans or leggings to fit your butt, and if you do, you will wear them out in a month.

  • Sitting in small chairs has ceased to be an option.

  • Sometimes you are the last to know you are sitting on something that everyone else is looking for.

  • Someone is in your way, no problem for the more prominent butt owner.

  • Wearing short dresses becomes almost pornographic.

  • Everyone has a comment to make on your beautiful booty.

 

Image attributions to:

Newreality.com

Lifehacks.org

Active.com

Sobadass.com

Reddit.com

Theweek.com

 

As I said earlier I  can be found in a fantastic new book in both English & Spanish titled

“Adventurous Tales from a Mountain Walk”

By Mike Bowley.

I am just one character amongst 23 chapters of short stories that all culminate together when a mountain ridge rumbles and groans. Who will survive?

Visit mikebowley.com to find out.

 

 

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